my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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