I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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