if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
