btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize