there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
