Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you win again, gameday.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
