Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
