My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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