my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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