that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
