I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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