His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
