Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
