blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
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