Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
