I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
