went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
