How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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