I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
