I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
