she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i drank out of a bidet.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
