i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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