Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I woke up under a house in Key West
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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