You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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