Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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