I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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