i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am one with the molecules
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
