my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
