i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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