It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drake has all the answers
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
