u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
