Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
