i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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