Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
