I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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