We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
