So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
