coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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