He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
