Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
