There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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