How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have aggressive nipples.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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