i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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