its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
