I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
