that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
