I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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