My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
