She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
