do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
