He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
