no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
